• LIFE IS JUST A BLINK OF AN EYE •

In the blink of an eye everything can change. So forgive often and love with all your heart. Sometimes there is no next time, no time-outs, no second chances. Sometimes it’s now or never. Today, I’ve been thinking all day long about the Chapecoense airplane accident. Everyone was in shock with this situation. But only the people directly related to the victims will really understand the dimension of this tragedy; those whose world was turned upside down so unexpectedly, and had to question their own certainties about life in such a painful way. Today, the lives of 81 families (between the dead and survivors) have changed forever. This plane took athletes to Medellin to make their dream come true. They had only one mission in mind: TO WIN THE SOUTH AMERICAN CHAMPIONSHIP. Young people. Full of health. First international final. The journalists were going to cover this dream; this historic moment for the Chapecoense soccer team and its fans. The match was scheduled, the team was scaled, and the tickets were sold.

Nothing could go wrong.

Huh?!
It turns out it can.
Turns out it did.

And we stand here with that emptiness in our chest and that sense of powerlessness in the face of life. When these things happen, everyone is surprised. And we realize that we really do not have the control of ANYTHING. Life is so fragile.We must value each day we have, and cherish the moments of happiness we create with our loved ones because it WILL NOT last forever. Live every moment as if it were your last.

• LIFE IS JUST A BLINK OF AN EYE •

Divorce

Divorce is probably as painful as death.

Divorce is the death of a dream you thought was going to last.

One of the hardest things you will ever have to do, my dear, is to grieve the loss of a person who is still alive.

Halloween

Halloween... siempre lo celebré menos del 2013 al 2015 porque a ti no te gustaba. Este año por fin lo volví a celebrar. 

Broken Flowers

Terrible Lives

Because some people
live these terribly confused lives. 
They have it all backward.
They think love is the fear of abandonment.
They think love is attachment
and what is worse is,
they think love is forcing someone
to stay.

Scars Are Made of Gold

They're scars for a reason.
They don't hurt anymore
but they're there to remind you
of all the things you lived through.
The moments that almost killed you
and the ones that made you
who you are.
Stay strong.


R.M. Drake

Octubre 19

Ayer fue uno de esos días, que no se lo deseas a nadie. Un día de dolor, de tristeza... y de amarrarse el corazón lo más duro posible para no llorar. Aún sigo procesando todo lo que ocurrió. Decirle adiós al que fue mi hogar por dos años; donde llegué con tanta ilusión para vivir y formar una familia con el que era el amor de mi vida. El lugar donde fui muy feliz, descansando, viendo pelis, cocinando, haciendo karaoke, haciendo laundry juntos, riéndonos de boberías, haciéndonos cosquillas, peleando a veces por cosas sin importancia y otras veces por cosas muy importantes. El lugar donde lo descubrí engañándome en más de una ocasión hablándose con otras mujeres. El lugar donde también sufrí mucho, donde lloré encerrada en el baño para que no me escuche, o en la ducha mientras me bañaba para que el agua camufle mi llanto. 

Hay tantos recuerdos lindos y no tan lindos, hay tanto amor encerrado en esas paredes que espero se queden ahí adentro, para que aún lo sientas. Para que te cuiden de cualquier persona que te quiera hacer daño. Le ruego al Señor que nada malo te pase, que nunca sufras lo que yo sufrí porque no se lo deseo a nadie, y mucho menos a ti. Eras todo y más de lo que soñé hasta que me traicionaste, desde ese día todo cambió. No quiere decir que te dejé de amar, solo quiere decir que me dolió y hasta el día de hoy no logro entender por qué lo hiciste. Tendrás tus razones. Solo espero que esto que acabamos de pasar sirva para que seamos más fuertes y aprendamos a valor mucho más a las personas que están en nuestras vidas. Lamento mucho que todo haya terminado mal. Hubiese querido verte como "the bigger person" más caballero, respetuoso y humilde. Pensé que mis consejos servirían de algo. Tal vez ahora no te des cuenta, pero ojalá con el transcurso de los años, entiendas cuánto te amé y cuánto deseo que seas un hombre de bien, con un lindo corazón, y que seas feliz. Eso es todo lo que quiero. Te amaré por siempre gordo. Suerte en tu vida, make me proud. 

Acceptance

I thought I loved him but I never knew how much until we began the process of divorce. When someone does everything they can to break you, to scar you, when they seem to take pride in knowing they've destroyed you... You really see the depths of evil a person contains. And yet you still care about them. You still pray for them to find happiness. That's how I know what real love is. And I finally accept that I'm not the problem. The problem is that some people aren't capable of that kind of love. And no matter how much love I feel, I can't fill his empty heart. I will only hurt myself continuing this way. I need to start loving myself the way I loved him.

Hold on

Goodbye

Say something, I'm giving up on you
And I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you
And anywhere I would've followed you
Say something, I'm giving up on you

And I... will swallow my pride
You're the one that I love
And I'm saying goodbye

I invested love, time, effort, money, tears, prayers; I invested my whole life in you, in our home, in our marriage. It's not easy to give up on you; to give up on us. 

Dios

Please forgive me

Please forgive me for not trying one more time. For not giving it one last shot. For letting my pain take over. I'm sorry for not giving us a 4th chance. Now, we're about to sign the papers and everything will be over. I wish all the best to you. I know you will be happy. I will pray for you to be in peace and to succeed in all your projects in life. I will always love and miss, you and your family.

I forgive you

I won't judge you anymore. I'm sorry because I did. I don't judge you. I forgive you. Yes, I felt and sometimes still feel like a fool. But I'm trying my best, with all my heart, and with the help of God, to let go of the past. To forgive and forget what happened. I don't want to remember the bad. If I ever think about you, I only want to remember the good things. All the bad, were mistakes that had to happen so we could get to this point. So we could be now, where we are. And so we could open our eyes and realize that we are human beings that come to this world with a purpose in life, and we need to ask God to help us figure out our purpose, in case we haven't figured it out yet. I won't hold grudges on you, trust me, I will pray for you, for your heart and your soul, so it's filled with love and not with hate. So that you could also forgive and forget all the pain that other people caused you, like all the damage that your dad did to you, your mom, and your sister. I will pray for them as well, so they can let go of the past, and be happy... but truly happy, forever. I wish you peace and love in your life.

Cómo actuar con la gente mala

Tienes que sacar a las personas malas de tu vida emocional.
No permitas que la gente mala te haga daño o te haga sentir culpable.
Ten cuidado de esos lobos disfrazados de ovejas.
Sabes cuándo un malo se va de tu vida? Cuando le descubres su juego.
Y le dices "a mí ya no me vas a hacer esto"
"A mí no me vas a hacer sentir culpable, no me vas a traer culpa ni angustia. Así como tú no sientes ni culpa ni angustia, de ahora en adelante te voy a decir las cosas como te las tenga que decir, porque te descubrí el juego."
Y en el momento que le descubriste el juego, el malo se tiene que ir de tu vida sí o sí.
Solo así volverás a tener paz en tu vida.
No trates de justificar la actitud de alguien por su pasado. Ese "Uy pobrecito, es que con el pasado que tuvo, con el mal ejemplo de su padre, y esa niñez tan difícil que tuvo, por eso él es así" no va! Cada persona elige ser bueno o ser malo. Existen muchas personas con un pasado peor y sin embargo eligieron ser buenos.
Dios conoce lo que hay en tu corazón. 
Dios sabe quién es bueno y quién es malo. Él todo lo ve.
Ora, conversa con Dios y pídele sabiduría para poder reconocer a los malos y aléjate de esas personas. No necesitas gente que te reste, necesitas a gente que te sume. Rodéate de gente buena que te motive a seguir adelante y a ser mejor cada día.

Hope for EVERYTHING, expect NOTHING

I hope God guides your life. I know we both made mistakes but after all this pain, I hope we will never repeat those mistakes again. I'm sorry for not seeing the signs. It wasn't your fault, it was mine for trusting in people too much. For believing in all your late nights at work, all those business trips, etc. We are both going to learn from this. I wish you all the best in the world, I really do. You taught me a life lesson that I will never forget. You taught me for real, not to trust anyone. I don't expect anything from you, but I hope that you let me go. A friend once told me: "Hope for EVERYTHING, expect NOTHING." So I'll just hope for the best, even though I will expect nothing.

Qué carta usará después?

Y cuando piensas que ya acabó de jugar todas sus cartas, sigue saliendo con más sorpresas, con más trabas para no firmar. Y es así cómo trata de provocarte para que lo llames. Pero hay que ser fuerte y no caer en su juego. Y hay que rezar... rezar mucho para que Dios ilumine su mente y su corazón. Para que deje de hacer más daño. Para que todo termine en buenos términos. Es difícil ver cómo la persona que amas solo trata de pisotearte y humillarte hasta más no poder. Es difícil darte cuenta que no es un caballero. Es difícil aceptar que nunca le importaste, que lo único que le importa es él mismo, el dinero y cosas materiales. A dónde quedó el amor que supuestamente sentía por mí? Nunca existió.

Hope you're okay

Despite everything I still love you. I still care about you so much. In every earthquake, my first instinct is to call you. All I want to hear is that you are okay. I had to block your number to stop me from calling you again. I miss your voice. I miss u a lot. Maybe I'm stupid for still loving you, for thinking about you all the time. I wish you loved me the way I did. I wish you had never betrayed me. I wish you had never cheated on me. We could have been so happy together. I hope you are happy whether it's alone or with one of those women from your list. I hope you will always be.

Teach me

Hay que dejar ir

Ninguna mujer merece que la engañen, que la irrespeten, que la humillen. No es justo que te vean la cara... no es justo que te mientan tan descaradamente.

Ningún hombre vale tanto para tener más de una mujer y ninguna mujer vale tan poco para ser una de las tantas.

Es necesario hacerse respetar. Por más que duela, hay que dejar ir a las personas que no te respetaron y valoraron en su debido momento. Hay que dejar ir a personas con doble cara, mentirosas y tóxicas que lo único que buscan o lo único que les causa satisfacción es hacerle daño a los demás. Esas personas que utilizan su infelicidad como excusa para lastimar a otros no merecen tu atención. Enfócate en ti misma y tu felicidad, siempre.

No more tears

Today, after all my constant prayers, I feel a little bit less sad. I was thinking that maybe it's time to really make the biggest effort ever to forgive and forget. I know I will always love my ex and his family despite everything that has happened and all the pain I went through. Maybe this is God talking to me, and making me realize that it's time to let go of the fear of getting hurt again and embrace the pain I've felt in order to start feeling peace, forgiveness and happiness. As people say, after the storm the sun comes out. So, right now all I want to feel is something new and positive. I want to think that everything happens for a reason, and all of this was meant to occur so we could learn from any mistakes and improve as human beings. I wish all the best of the world to my ex and his family, and I really hope with all my heart that they live a happy life full of love and respect. I really hope that everything bad disappears and only the good stays in each person's life. I think God will send us so many blessings that there will be no more tears of sadness for a while.

New Motto

Accept what is. Let go of what was. Have faith in what will be.

Cuándo llegará el día?

Cuándo llegará el día en el que ya no te extrañe?
Tu forma de verme a los ojos
Rascarte la espalda antes de ir a dormir
Abrazarte hasta que te dé calor
Decirte te amo entre despierta y dormida
Tocar tu pie con el mío para saber que estás cerca

Nunca pensé que diría esto
Pero hasta extraño las peleas
Tus berrinches por cosas sin importancia
Tu nivel de estrés diario y la forma como te calmaba
Tus mentiras y la forma como detectaba el 80% de ellas
Tu cara cuando te cachaba y te hacías el desentendido
Me daba coraje que me mientas
Pero también me daba risa que muchas veces no sabías mentir
Extraño las veces que me pediste perdón
Y esa forma en la que no podía dejar de perdonarte
Excepto la última vez

Cuándo llegará el día en que pueda perdonarte lo último que descubrí?
Perdonar que me hayas humillado y pisoteado
Perdonar todo el dolor que me causaste
Perdonar que arruines mi sueño de tener una familia
Perdonar que hayas roto la promesa de ser fiel
Perdonarte el no llegar a viejitos juntos

Cuándo llegará el día en el que te deje de amar?
El día en el que pueda levantarme de la cama sin acordarme de ti
El día en el que ya no te piense
El día en el que ya no se me baje la presión cada vez que vea un jeep o mahindra
El día en el que pueda dejar de soñarte
El día en el que entienda de una vez por todas que esto se acabó
Cuándo llegará ese día?

Te amo y me duele tanto... Ojalá ese día llegue pronto para no sufrir más.

I learned

We found love in a hopeless place... (New Paltz)

We Found Love

Rihanna

It's like you're screaming, and no one can hear
You almost feel ashamed
That someone could be that important
That without them, you feel like nothing
No one will ever understand how much it hurts
You feel hopeless; like nothing can save you
And when it's over, and it's gone
You almost wish that you could have all that bad stuff back
So that you could have the good

Mixed feelings

Ya van casi 2 meses desde que lo descubrí. Dos meses desde ese día horrible en el que se me derrumbó todo... y pude sentir como me moría lentamente y no podía parar de llorar. El tiempo sigue pasando y ese dolor sigue ahí... intacto. Disimulo lo más que puedo ante otras personas para que no se contagien con mi tristeza. Y solo espero que esto pase pronto... quiero hacer borrón y cuenta nueva. A veces quiero dormir y no despertarme y no enfrentar esto... luego pienso que tarde o temprano tendré que hacerlo, así que más vale que sea rápido. Suena tonto, pero lo extraño. Extraño los buenos momentos, sus abrazos, su sonrisa. Lo extraño tanto, que a veces me pregunto si habrá valido la pena pasar por más dolor, maltratos, cachos, con tal de haber vivido más tiempo junto a él? Quisiera abrazarlo y poder decirle cuánto lo amo, quisiera que por un momento él entre a mi mente y mi corazón para que vea que lo amo con todo mi corazón, que me cuesta mucho vivir sin él, que no sé qué hacer con mi vida ahora que él no está conmigo. Quisiera tener una bola mágica y saber qué nos depara el futuro. Quisiera saber si él estará bien. A la final, aunque no esté conmigo, lo único que quiero es que él sea feliz. Quiero que aprenda de esta lección de vida y sea una mejor persona. Quiero que conozca a una buena mujer y que la sepa valorar y que no le haga lo mismo que me hizo a mi. Quiero que forme una hermosa familia y que sus hijos lo admiren y estén orgullosos de él. Quiero que se convierta en el mejor papá del mundo, el más amoroso y respetuoso, quiero que viaje con su familia y tenga las mejores aventuras de su vida. Quiero que tenga todo y más de lo que yo soñé tener con él. Ojalá tenga 4 hijos hermosos, parecidos a él, con una cejas y pestañas hermosas, con su nariz hermosa y sus labios hermosos. Ojalá ellos sean los mejores amigos de Agustina y Antonia <3 y jueguen siempre y pasen todas las navidades y años nuevos juntos como ñaños. Ojalá Dios lo llene de muchísimas bendiciones. Ojalá Dios me lo cuide toda la vida. Ojalá Diosito me lleve pronto de este mundo porque ya no puedo más, ya no tengo fuerzas para seguir viviendo. Prefiero ser el ángel de la guarda de Francisco, y poder protegerlo el resto de su vida y asegurarme que esté bien. Maybe I wasn't meant to be his wife, maybe I was just meant to be his friend or guardian angel.

Hace 1 mes

Ya un mes desde esa decisión. 💔

Y de paso salió nuestra canción de The Lumineers....

How do I close something that is broken?

"The hard part is pretending not to give a fuck when you really do. The worst part is trying to close your heart when its doors have been blown to pieces." R.M. Drake

Sometimes the ghost of you haunts me in my dreams... and sometimes even when I'm awake. And I remember those times when you told me "you made me believe in love again." It's funny how I made you believe in love... but it didn't last at all. Not only did you break my heart, but you broke me... all of me. I don't know how to wake up from this nightmare. I want to wake up next to you; I want you to tell me "it was just a bad dream, please go back to sleep." And then, I just wanna go back to sleep and never wake up again. 

So maybe I’m a masochist

[Rihanna]
On the first page of our story
The future seemed so bright
Then this thing turned out so evil
I don’t know why I’m still surprised
Even angels have their wicked schemes
And you take that to new extremes
But you’ll always be my hero
Even though you’ve lost your mind

[Chorus]
Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
But that’s all right because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
But that’s all right because I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
Ohhh, I love the way you lie

Staring at the ceiling

Staring at the ceiling
Thinking about you
Thinking about us
Thinking about what went wrong?
Thinking about how to turn to the past
Thinking about how to avoid this pain
Thinking about how to stop crying
Thinking about how to make myself stop loving you
Thinking about God
Thinking about how to make this not real
Thinking about how to continue living without you
Thinking about making myself strong, somehow

Time goes by
And I'm still staring at the ceiling
I can't sleep
My eye bags get worse every day

I can't stop staring at the ceiling
I can't stop crying
I can't stop... staying awake every night thinking about us
Thinking about how all this love I feel for you
Doesn't mean anything to you

I can't believe it's over
I can't believe you cheated on me
I can't believe you never loved me
I can't believe you put such a great show
I can't believe I bought it
I can't believe my marriage is now a divorce

I will always love you regardless
I will always pray for you
I will always wish you the best
I will always... 
... kiss you good morning and good night in my dreams

Hace 1 año

Hace 1 año estaba celebrando el día más feliz de mi vida, hoy estoy pasando por lo peor. Hace 1 año me estaba casando por la iglesia con el amor de mi vida, la persona que elegí como padre de mis hijos para formar una familia y vivir junto a él para siempre. Escuchando esta canción recuerdo lo emocionada que estaba mientras bailaba con quien creía era el mejor hombre de todos, mi esposo. La escucho con lágrimas en los ojos mientras le pago a mis abogados para el trámite de nuestro divorcio... para separarme del hombre que aún amo pero que debo olvidar... por salud mental. Hoy, 1 año después, se acabaron todos los sueños que tuve junto a él. Hoy, después de un año aprendí que el "prometo serte fiel hasta que la muerte nos separe" fue tan solo una de sus tantas mentiras. Hoy, después de 1 año solo le pido a Dios que a pesar de todo el daño que me hizo, lo bendiga para que no se le regrese todo lo malo que hizo. Espero que aprenda de sus errores, espero que este divorcio sirva de algo y él pueda cambiar para que sea feliz. Ojalá no sufra lo que yo sufrí, porque esto de estar muerto en vida no se lo deseo a nadie.

How to grieve A DIVORCE

When you go through divorce, it's like a death of LOVE. Even if you're the one who initiated the divorce, you will still grieve. This is because you are not only mourning the LOSS of your marriage, you are also GRIEVING THE LOSS of your hopes and dreams—the belief of what you thought your life was going to look like.

Each person will go through the stages of grief differently and there is no set length of time. The ultimate goal is to get to the fifth stage: ACCEPTANCE.

These are the 5 stages of grief as they relate to divorce:

1. You just can't seem to accept that it's really over.
The denial stage often begins during the marriage. It may be hard to believe or accept the fact that your marriage is over. You hold on to a sliver of hope that things can be different—that things will change. You believe that the two of you will be able to spark that magic that once occurred in your relationship. 

Denial is normal. It's a way to help you grasp the fact of what's happening without overwhelming emotions. It's a way for you to hide from the facts in order to deal with the pain.

Other forms of denial include not believing they want out of the marriage or finding it difficult to believe that this is really happening to you. After all, you never thought you would find yourself in this situation.

2. Everything about your ex makes you angry.
During and after your divorce, you may experience anger directed in a variety of ways depending on the situation that ultimately led to the divorce.

For example: You may be angry at your ex for CHEATING. You could be angry about him using alcohol or drugs or for not caring enough to make things work. You may be angry at yourself for not seeing the writing on the wall, or for putting up with their crap for as long as you did.

3. You find yourself thinking "If only ..." often.
The bargaining stage is where you find yourself thinking, "If only...", "I could have...", "I should have...", and "What if?"

In essence, you are attempting to change the past or the current reality through your thoughts. In a way, bargaining is trying to rationalize what happened. You think, "If only I had seen it coming," "If only I had tried harder," or, "If only I had forced them to go to counseling." You are trying to fix what has already happened.

4. You just want to bury yourself under the covers for months.
Odds are you, you're gonna go through depression, not eating, exercising, or sleeping properly. The nights are filled with restless sleep and dreams of what might have been, as well as nightmares.

During the DEPRESSION stage, you may feel a deep sadness over the loss of your marriage. You may be hurt that your vows did not mean as much to your SPOUSE as they did to you. You may cry over the fact that he was not the person you thought he was.

While in a depressed state, you may play victim by labeling your ex as a sociopath or compulsive liar in order to get through the pain. 

You may find yourself depressed over the fact that you lost your home and have to move out. The mere thought that you are totally on your own may scare the heck out of you. This overwhelming fear may revert you back to any of the other stages of GRIEF.

5. Finally, you are ready to build a new life for yourself.
Acceptance comes when you fully accept the fact that your marriage, as well as your hopes and dreams for the future together, are over. It is at this point that you are ready to build a new life for yourself. Acceptance is letting go of the past.

Your emotions get less intense as time goes on. For the most part, you feel indifference for who your ex is and what he is doing. You have separated your personal life from his.

You are like the foundation of a house. It can withstand fire as well as the most severe of storms. You built your marriage on top of this foundation. The marriage crumbled, the walls came falling down, and you grieved. When you sweep away the debris, you are left with a beautiful, strong foundation to build your new life on.

 www.SupportForDivorcedWomen.com

Learning to let go 💔

Studies say it takes at least a year and a half or two years to get over a bad break up. I don't know how long this will take but I'm sure it will be more than that. See, the problem is I'm not divorcing him because I don't love him... I'm divorcing him exactly because of that, because I do love him, and he hurt me so much that if I stay in this relationship we will never be happy together. Why? Because he will never learn from his mistakes, he will continue cheating on me and treating me badly, because he takes me for granted and he knows I'll always be there for him. He knows I will forgive him every time he hurts me... Because he knows how in love with him I am. And then, there is another point, every time he hurts me again I will remember everything.. All the pain of the past 2 years... And I will probably get mad... So that's why we will never be happy. Why should I stay in a toxic relationship? Why should I put up with all his lies and bad temper? Why should I continue sacrifying my life for him? When all he does is showing me disrespect... When he treats me like garbage... When he says he loves me but we both know now that he doesn't. Because that's not love. If he thinks that's love... Then he's crazy... Or nobody taught him what love meant when he was a kid. At his age of 34 I'm hoping he learned from me what love is really all about. And with my example I hope he is able to learn how to love himself and then someone else. I hope he realizes that divorcing him is again a way of showing my love to him, because I want him to correct his mistakes and be happy, and have a beautiful family. I know the next person he dates will get all the benefits of my hard work. But that's ok. I hope he realizes I'm sacrifying my life again for him. Because he was my life. My whole life. He was the person I wanted to grow old with. He was the person I wanted to wake up with every morning and smile to. But that won't happen anymore. I'm learning to let go of the person I thought I knew... I'm learning to let go of my love.

I need to carry the pieces of my broken heart

Eat, Pray, Love Quotes

“People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. 

A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave. 

A soul mates purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master...” 
― Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love

“This is a good sign, having a broken heart. It means we have tried for something.” 
― Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love

“I have a history of making decisions very quickly about men. I have always fallen in love fast and without measuring risks. I have a tendency not only to see the best in everyone, but to assume that everyone is emotionally capable of reaching his highest potential. I have fallen in love more times than I care to count with the highest potential of a man, rather than with the man himself, and I have hung on to the relationship for a long time (sometimes far too long) waiting for the man to ascend to his own greatness. Many times in romance I have been a victim of my own optimism.” 
― Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love

“I’m here. I love you. I don’t care if you need to stay up crying all night long, I will stay with you. If you need the medication again, go ahead and take it—I will love you through that, as well. If you don’t need the medication, I will love you, too. There’s nothing you can ever do to lose my love. I will protect you until you die, and after your death I will still protect you. I am stronger than Depression and I am braver than Loneliness and nothing will ever exhaust me.” 
― Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love

“Happiness is the consequence of personal effort. You fight for it, strive for it, insist upon it, and sometimes even travel around the world looking for it. You have to participate relentlessly in the manifestations of your own blessings. And once you have achieved a state of happiness, you must never become lax about maintaining it. You must make a mighty effort to keep swimming upward into that happiness forever, to stay afloat on top of it.” 
― Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love

Please stop breaking my heart

Why on Earth would you hurt me so bad? What did I do to you? All I did was... To love you. God knows I did... I loved you like crazy. To the point that I would defend you from your own friends. To the point that I even put your family before mine. I was blind cuz I never saw what was going on behind the scene. But how would I have guessed? How?! If I thought I fell in love with my best friend from the MBA. Why didn't you warn me that you were gonna break my heart? Why did you ask me to marry you? Please tell me why... Please stop with the lies and stop telling me you love me... Because obviously you have no idea of what love means. I wish I could turn back time and just stayed friends. I wish I had never ever fallen in love with you. I wish you the best in your life, I really do... Because I want to believe, I NEED TO BELIEVE that you are not a bad person... And that all that harm and pain you caused me occurred due to a mental illness of you. I will miss your laugh and kindness when you were in a good mood. I won't miss your screams, angerness, cursing and bad attitude when you were in a bad mood. I won't miss all the times you hurt me and broke my heart. I won't miss those fights when you were mean to me. Why did this happen to us? Why did we have to meet in New Paltz? In the middle of nowhere. Oh God... Please help me to get over this. I need you God, please give me strength and patience. Please take care of him and help him become a better person. Bless him and his family. And please do the same with me and mine. We really need you God.

Dios sabe cómo hace las cosas

Dios nos envía señales todo el tiempo. Todo el tiempo Él nos habla y nos guía... a veces vemos estas señales y le hacemos caso, a veces no... y cuando eso ocurre Dios te habla tan fuerte, que no hay manera de que te hagas el sordo o la sorda. Él te pone las pruebas en tus narices, es como que te quita la venda de tus ojos. Entonces debes tomar una decisión: Escuchar y hacerle caso a Dios o hacerte de la vista gorda? Qué duro es cuando te enamoras de alguien... y ese alguien, esa persona que elegiste día a día, con la que viste tu futuro y hacías tantos planes; con la que pensabas formar una familia... resulta ser la persona que más daño te hace. Pero lo perdonas. Y de pronto se vuelve un círculo vicioso, de perdonar una y otra vez por amor. Porque tienes la esperanza de que con tu ayuda y la ayuda de Dios esa persona va a cambiar para bien. Pero luego te das cuenta que no pasa nada, que esa persona sigue en lo mismo y te sigue haciendo más y más daño. Qué duro es admitir, que te has convertido en masoquista, que te has enamorado de la persona equivocada... que todos esos sueños o planes a futuro ya no se van a cumplir, al menos no junto a esa persona.. porque despertaste, porque decidiste escuchar a Dios y hacerle caso. Pero cómo duele... que difícil es no saber si algún día vas a poder olvidarte de esa persona, de todo ese amor que sentías y de todo el daño que te hizo la persona que menos esperabas. Pero bueno Dios sabe cómo hace las cosas y al final del túnel siempre hay una luz.